Wednesday, March 16, 2005

 

the pencil sharpener

my sister didn't want to give me this thing. but she did. i was in the fourth grade, and when she gave it to me, i believe it was already pretty old, like 13 or 14 years. that would make it about a quarter of a century old today. and it still works just as well.





the thing about this pencil sharpener is that it's very much like those crappy ones they install in classrooms. you know, the ones that literally feast on your poor pencils and leave you with a rotted piece of wood. god i hated those things.

the power stone 101 works very much with the same mechanical structure (you stick in the pencil and turn the handle several times); however, it instead produces wonderfully sharp pencils. possibly the sharpest you could ever hope for. these things could pierce skin. these things could kill you.





i mean for one it's obviously better than those cheap little plastic ones, you know what i'm talking about right? they're simply a hole, blade, and container. the wood shavings collect into a little confetti heap perfect for showering onto your fellow classmate. that was really their only use.

and then there were those electric sharpeners. they never lived up to their hype. for one thing they're noisy. for another, they always seemed a little risqué to me. a chinese finger trap gone awry or something.





but THIS sharpener could beat all their asses in one go. i'm serious. i never realized how awesome it was until diana showed me its magic. and i've kept it from her ever since. but it's ok because she still has my hawt flowery shirt.

it's funny though because i eventually started bringing it into class, and i soon became the class favourite. everyone would walk over to my desk and ask me nicely if they could borrow my sharpener. at the time i thought i'd finally become popular with my peers. how delusional of my nerdy nine year old self. i didn't realize that they were simply using me. bastards.





the cold bitter truth hit when i was asked to stop bringing it in, because apparently it was making everyone too rowdy. the kids started throwing their erasers at me again, telling me i smelled like fish, and the vicious cycle kept churning.

anyways to prove to y'alls how amazing this thing really is, here is a shot of a freshly sharpened pencil:






amazing, innit. fuckin thing deserves a shrine or sommin.

Comments:

So i'm really just commenting to tell you how much i liked your Fulcrum review of Gwen Stefani's asstasticness... but it hardly compares to your sparkling review of your pencil sharpener! Hot damn!
Have you considered bringing it to class now, to see if it gives you the same popularity in university that you briefly enjoyed in grade 4?
the possibilities...

 

I have two that are very similar; they aren't the same brand, but they aren't the crappy ones they have in classrooms. These are bombproof miracles of engineering. They put a pinpoint on my Mirado Black Warriors.

 

dudettee,
your photos are amazing, but all and all, HAPPy NEW YEAR AND enjoy all your moments as mcuh as you can:)

 

happy new years Kiddo.

 

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