she asked me if i spoke arabic (i don't) and then we proceeded to make small talk. i hate small talk. but that's all that's been running out of my mouth for the past few days, and there's nothing i can do to stop it.
at least, that's what it's like with strangers. i mean, what else can you tell them?
"so how about that snowfall yesterday, eh?"
"i didn't even notice, i was too busy crying my heart out and using up an entire box of kleenex."
"...oh. i heard it was fifteen centimetres."
"i have AIDS."
"you wear too much makeup."
"abortions hurt."
"there's this huge wart on my toe, and sometimes it talks to me."
but it's the stuff i want to say. not necessarily any of those things, but i want people to know who i really am, not this plastic smiling person i fake to get by. but no one wants to know.
and i don't blame them.
i had to make small talk with that girl, another girl who started talking to us about how easy the class is supposed to be (witchcraft, magic, and occult phenomenon), then i went to the wrong classroom for another class yesterday because it had been changed, so a few of us started talking, and then i forgot most of their names, then i had to ask my new prof where i could find the communication academic advisor, and i think this prof is a coke addict because no one can remain that enthusiastic for 1.5 hours, then i had to drop off a resume at the snooty fashion boutique that i desperantly want to hire me and had to make up reasons why i wanted to work there (other than free discount and i get money out of it? oh you mean, i have to bullshit..), then i dropped off another resume at yuppie coffee place. i don't think anywhere is hiring and if they are, my availibility is craptastic.
and i shook hands with so many people and i had to smile and be happy on the outside when really i am anything but.
then there was the guy on the bus.
he wore a blue coat, ragged faded jeans, and hiking boots. he looked normal. he started talking to a girl beside him about philosophy, i think it was because she was looking at her textbook or something. even from those first words coming out of his mouth, everyone sitting around just knew he must be crazy. i could tell by the exchanged glances.
he mentioned how there was a search warrant for his place and this guy sitting in front of him expressed interest, so the guy starts talking to him about how he does very provocative art and how some people don't like it and how it's not violent and i'm thinking
(why don't people like this talk to me? sure he's making it up but it's so much better than fifteen centimetres of snow)
and this guy is talking about the art that he does and how he feels like neo from the matrix and how he sent a letter to the CBC all scrolled up so they would notice it and how he was gonna be famous soon, gonna be on tv soon, and how corrupt the ontario police were and then he spelled out the name of his web site, then he continued talk about his art, and how it was interactive and he takes people through time travel and the girl beside me giggles
and i'm just struck with wonder
and i think back to yesterday when i waited for fifty minutes for my local bus out in -20 something degrees celsius weather, snowflakes dropping madly like they were desperately trying to blanket me in a sheet of white and this girl was waiting with me and she just started talking to me out of nowhere and thus begins the miracle of small talk all over again and she had the memory of that fish from finding nemo and she kept asking me questions about things she should've known like how long a certain bus should take to get to a certain bus terminal and i even asked how long she'd lived here and if she took the bus often and she'd lived here a long time and did take the bus every day. so i was confused why she was asking me. and then the bus never showed up and we kept bitching about how cold it was and then the second bus didn't show up. after about fifty minutes i gave up and walked home, i said i could ask my parents to drive us to the bus terminal where we catch the next bus and she walked along with me and talked to my mom (who doesn't know english) and gave me a juicebox and thanked us a million times and her name was kieren i think. if i remember correctly.
the second guy on the bus said to the first (crazy) guy on the bus that he'd see him around and he replied "maybe the next time you'll see me will be on the television. maybe you'll see me smashing a television on the television. wouldn't that be neat?"
