well. it still bothers me. not because i don't have anything i want to do... because i have too many things i want to do.
i feel like i have superman vision in the woods, and can see the other path, and see what could've been. but because i only have superman vision and not time-warping abilities, there's nothing i can do to change things. i could run all the way back and go the other way, but by then everyone will be living in houses and having babies and stuff.
i know the grass is greener, but i also know the path is more treacherous. and yet a lack of self-confidence is what got me here. er, what didn't get me here. i do not doubt my abilities as a writer, as an academic, because it has been largely unchallenging. not to say that writing/academicking isn't difficult, but i am not after perfection or mastery. it's just something i do to fill the void.
i feel like my brain is playing a million hour long tennis game, the players tied the entire way. nobody is losing.
which means nobody is winning, either.
