never swallow your tongue.
i feel italian, with the hand gestures and all. my face has reached the limits of expression. my eye sockets have never yearned so longingly.
yesterday when i went in for a job interview my hands were dripping with nervous sweat. three business people, one woman, two men, sat across the table from me. they smiled pleasantly at me. then they saw the whiteboard hanging around my neck.
just like that buffy episode.
i smiled apologetically and sat down. i wrote on the board
i've swallowed my tongue. so i can only answer you this way.
the first man said, "no way, no we can't have you being interviewed this way. i'm sorry, but you're disabled!"
the second man said, "i'm very sorry you have no tongue m'am but we just simply cannot hire you. we just can't do this."
they looked to the woman. she looked at me, smiled, licked her lips oh so seductively, and purred. "well this is going to be interesting. sit down boys."
their faces looked stricken, but what could they do? the woman had talked.
i stifled a surprised giggle. you just don't giggle in business settings. you just don't.
the interview went okay, surprisingly. i think next time though, i'm just gonna bring along my laptop. i type about a thousand times faster than anyone can write by hand, as witnessed by numerous classmates who later ask me for notes.
but i don't think i got the job. no matter how much i emphasized my skills, experience, and education in COMMUNICATION, they didn't seem convinced i could answer phones without a tongue.
i'll show them. eventually.
in fact, i've got another job interview tomorrow. another secretaryesque job. from now until then i've gotta figure out a way to convince people that answering a phone *is* possible through mmmphhh-mmmrrrphing.
maybe i'll just show them my breasts.
