this only further proves my point: anyone can go to university and fake it. i don't care if you lived under a rock your entire life.
my friends and i have decided to come back in the next life as evil birds who will imitate those annoying chirpy sound signals that let you know when to cross the road.
then when people try to cross the road and die as speeding cars smash into their innocent bodies we will twitter and tweet with glee and fly off to another intersection. better yet, we'll be robins so no one will realize how conniving and deadly we are. ravens have the bad rep, robins are beloved everywhere. we will whisper little sweet nothings into people's ears as they go for jogs on suburban streets.
your friends have an inside joke all about you that you will never know.
your kids will disown you and leave you to die when you're deteriorating from alzheimers.
your wife would be happier as a widow.
